I think i finally decided what college I want to go to: University of Pennsylvania. It seems to have everything: it's Ivy league, a tier I school (ranked #6 by us news and world report),a green speech code rating from FIRE, suite style apartment dorms, It's in a state that I love and I doubt anybody I know is going there.
The bad news is is that it has a 16.9% acceptance rate. I will be applying as a transfer student so things are a bit different for me. I may forgo getting my associates and instead just try transferring in as a junior. I think I can do that. I will have to check. Or I may get my associates and then try. it depends on which would be easier for me to do. I will probably have to take the SAT again(or the ACT) so I can get a higher score. And I absolutely MUST get my GPA up. I will also need teacher recommendations but those shouldn't be too hard to get. My teachers tend to like me. I will also have to learn how to study properly, start doing my homework, and live on my own.
My three biggest obstacles right now are my SAT scores, the fact I'm a year behind schedule, and this one D I got in Composition and Rhetoric.
If I fail to get in I can always go to one of my other two choices. I'd prefer to go to University of Pennsylvania though.

Things could get interesting.

Leges sine moribus vanae

Lately I've been think about my ex-best friend. The pain caused by her leaving is still pretty intense even though it happened more than four months ago. I wish there was some way for me to get all this straightened out. I've lost so many friends due to my neglect or my tendency to go a bit overboard with contacting them, especially when i have a crush on them or need their help with something.

One thing I just realized is how great it is to be a writer of original fiction. I don't have to worry about does canon say this or is he acting out of character. I create canon and decide the personalities of the characters in my stories. It gives me a lot more license for creativity.

I really need a new keyboard. The up and down arrow keys on my laptop keyboard have come off as well as the structure under them, leaving me with just these two pressure plate type things. It wasn't so bad when it was just the down arrow missing but now that the up arrow is gone two it has become hard to tell what is what. Very annoying. Also the metal in the plate type things get rather hot.

A few days ago my mom had a procedure done on her heart to cure an atrial flutter. Now I worry that I have the same problem she does and will have to have the same procedure done on me.

I happen to be lucky enough to be a fan of a show that has no badfic for it. I know, I've searched for some but there is none. I guess I (and my fandom)are just lucky.

I had a government test today. Finished in thirty minutes then had to wait another thirty for my parents to come and pick me up from the college.

I have entered a new fandom today: Hellsing. Alucard is so cool. He reminds me of Vash the Stampede and Himura Kenshin. The resemblance to Vash is obvious (the read coat and gun) but the Kenshin one is hard to pin down. I think it has to do with the way he appears in this one frame reminds me of some of the drawings Watsuki does in the beginning of each volume of Kenshin.

I'll have to see if I can convince my mom to take me to Barnes & Noble tomorrow. All though I guess it would in fact be later today.

I also recorded a Criminal Minds yesterday. I wonder if I'll like it.

I had a dream the other night in which I (among other things)met Miley Cyrus. When I spoke with her she complimented my singing and Put on a record of me singing Man in the Middle at my eighth grade talent show. I wonder what one should make of a compliment on ones singing from her.

http://music.msn.com/music/article.asp x?news=306602&ocid=cds_rec
http://music.msn.com/music/article.asp x?news=306757&ocid=cds_rec
http://music.msn.com/news/article.aspx ?news=307064

Apparently the Tejano singer Emilio Navaira was in a bus crash on sunday morning. He was driving the bus and slammed into an interchange barrier and was thrown through the windshield of the bus. He was taken to Memorial Hermann hospital where the doctors operated to remove a bloodclot. They also used a reasearch technique to lower the body's temperature in order to preven further swelling. He seems to be doing better now though.

: Also my friend Crystal asks that you pray for him.

This one has lost his best friend,
I can't mesage her anymore. She won't answer my IMs. I have no way of contacting her now.
This is all because of her stupid boyfriend. He is more or less forcing me to stop contacting her. I may have said some flirty thing s and asked some things that were a bit too personal in one of my messages but i've apologized. He doesn't believe my apologies though. He is probably just too parinoid because his ex girlfriend cheated on him. He was actually able to call me up because she gave him my number. Add to that he can see all her messages and now i'm not entirely sure how much i can trust her now.
Right now i just want to be able to talk to her again.
And of course this would all happen close to St. Valentines Day
I wonder if she'll read this.
Probably not.
So alone
"We're friends, real friends.
& that means, no matter how long it takes,
when you finally do decide to look back,
I'll be here."
I hope that this is true
I just want my friend back.

I have fallen from grace.
I have devalued all that i once held sacred. Policies I once set for myself I no longer care about. I am willing to disregard my former moral code. Things I that considered to be right and good no longer matter to me.
The words in my journal bear testament to this fact. I could erase them, but that wouldn't change the fact that I wrote them, or the feelings behind them.

-Dark Angel Cryo
fallen from grace

The night before last, then yesterday afternoon I cut myself. I have been wanting to cut myself a lot since then. Not entirely sure why. What I do know however is that on Friday night a lot shit happened. I was never closer to suicide then on that night. I have changed more in the past month than I think I have changed in my lifetime. I have trouble seeing those who I once considered as friends as being friends anymore. I have more or less abandon what i considered to be good and right. I am shocked by the changes that have occurred in me.

Yesterday I broke up with my girlfriend. Although it was a mutual decision and we both agreed the relationship was going nowhere it is still tough on me emotionally. This is worse than any other of my emotional letdowns in relationships because in this case there was some mutual attraction; that is to say, the feelings were returned somewhat. But a relationship with someone in Utah when one lives in Texas is quite hard to pull off. I think I made the right decision. What is really annoying though is that the people who would probably be best able to help me deal with this seem to be unable (or unwilling) to talk with me about it.

On the plus side though, I finally got my stitches out.

On this Thanksgiving i find myself thinking Abot all the stuff I have to be thankful for. I have so much to be thankful for and yet most of the time I spend complaining about the stuff I don't have. There fore I thought i'd list all the things I am thankful for.

I am thankful that my dad, despte all the pain he's in, continues to do so much work to help keep our family fed and take care of us

I am thankful for my mom, who although she hates being away from us, still works so hard to pay all the bills and provide us with the things we need

I am thankful for Amy, who remains one of my greatest friends and allies

I am thankful for all my extended relatives, despite there being next to no communication between us, continue to love me

I am thankful for my friends and girlfriend who, despite the fact that i tend to ignore them, continue to be friends

I am thankful that my parents actually own the house i live in, as opposed to it being mortgaged, which mean that we cannot be kicked out of it

I am thankful for all the doctors and nurses who work so hard to keep me healthy

I am thankful for all the teachers who try to educate me

I am thankful for all the other professionals who make my life easier

I am thankful for this great country i live in, which despite all it's flaws, is still one of the greatest countries on earth

I am thankful for all the troops in the middle east, who despite the fact that they are so far from home and may die at any moment, are still dedicated to bringing democracy and freedom to the area

I am thankful that, despite the problems i have with it, my health is still pretty good

I am thankful to God for giving me all these gifts

Happy Thanksgiving to you all

I am sick and tired about all this stuff about the Jena 6. First of all, According to MTV, The Kansas City Star, The Jena Times,and The Christian Science Monitor the facts of this case have be heavily distorted. The news media has distorted the facts to make Jena seem to be this horribly racist town when according to The Associated Press, one of the world's most respected news services, this isn't the way it really is. This lack of reliable journalism is sickening. Now all these people have started crying for the release and/or pardon of these six people who participated in a beating which is more reminiscent of the beating initiations of Mara Salvatrucha than a schoolyard fight(which is what the supporters of the six often say it was). They have actually had two of the six appear to give an award at the BET Hip Hop Awards
And now thanks to all this media attention, the Klu Klux Klan and and other white supremacist group have begun to be active in the town and the new black panthers have said that they would be active somehow but haven't. There have since been a rash of noose hangings around the country due to all the attention brought on by this. Due to this incident 5 of the 6 families have had their phone numbers placed on a white supremacist website "in case anyone wants to deliver justice". In addition, the town of Jena has had it's reputation ruined and a District Attorney has had his reputation badly tarnished when he was just trying to do his job.
And thanks to all of this, we have six thugs who knocked a guy out and repeatedly kicked him while he lay on the ground unconscious being hailed as civil rights heroes.
What about the poor victim? Will he ever see justice done to his attackers?

I have joined the Clock Crew. I'm thinking of making a Collab with IceBlockClock. Anyway I hope to be Clockified in November but i have to earn it first.